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I Am Not Al Bundy

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When Hysterectomies Should Have Been Lobotomies [Sep. 26th, 2006|11:49 pm]
I Am Not Al Bundy

iamnotalbundy

[moosimusmaximus]
[mood |bitchybitchy]

Is there a new shopping technique among middle-aged women taken from watching too much NYPD Blue? It seems like I've been running into a rash of "Good Shopper, Bad Shopper" which is never a good selling situation. Hell, it's not good for my sanity, and can be awfully dangerous for the wrong shopper's health if you know what I mean. (If you don't, it means I'm going to kill someone.)

Here's a typical example of the "technique" in action. Note, the names have been changed because I didn't get a chance to steal the shoppers' identities.

A dramatization

Courteous Sales Associate: "Hello! How are you ladies doing this evening?"
Kind Shopper: "We're doing fine, thank you!"
Courteous Sales Associate: "Is there anything I can help you find?"
Evil Shopper: "RAAAWWWR! I AM ANGRY BECAUSE THE DOCTOR TOOK MY UTERUS! ALSO I CAN'T FIND A GODDAMN SHOE IN MY SIZE"
Slightly Put-Off Sales Associate: "What size are you looking for?"
Evil Shopper: "A SIZE 9! I TRIED THIS ONE ON BUT IT'S TOO TIGHT! IT'S MISLABELED!"
Annoyed Sales Associate: "Let me find another size 9 for you to try on."

This is the part in the story where the sales associate, against his better judgement, finds the shoe the shopper wants instead of getting a manager to explain to her how she's probably a size 10 or larger.

Annoyed Sales Associate: "Here's the shoe in a size 9. Let's see how this fits."

The Evil Shopper tries the shoe on.

Annoyed Sales Associate: "How does that one feel?"
Evil Shopper: "THIS ONE DOESN'T FIT EITHER!"
Kind Shopper: "Maybe you should try a larger size."
Surprised Sales Associate: Silence. I wouldn't have even gone there.
Evil Shopper: "THEY DON'T HAVE ANY LARGER! I CAN NEVER FIND SHOES BECAUSE THESE STORES DON'T KEEP GOOD SELECTIONS!"
Pissed Off Sales Associate: "We can measure your foot and have you try on shoes in different colors and similar styles and if we have something in our warehouse, we can send it directly to your home at no cost."
Evil Shopper: "BUT I'M FROM OUT OF STATE! YOU WOULDN'T SHIP TO GEORGIA! WHAT GOOD WOULD THAT DO ME?"
Urge-To-Kill-Rising Sales Associate: "We ship to the continental United States, ma'am. And right now there's no shipping charge and the shoes can be returned to any (insert name of shoe store parent company) in the US if there is a problem."
Evil Shopper: "RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRR!"
Kind Shopper: "Thank you, I think we're going to keep looking around."

Bitch.
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Comments:
[User Picture]From: smellslikecrunk
2006-09-28 12:36 am (UTC)
Bitches like to shop at shoe stores. Oakley just gets horny old men. I wish you the best of luck.
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